We cannot afford to put our needs on hold, waiting for another person to fulfill us, make our life better, or come around and be who and what we want that person to be. That will create resentment, hostility, an unhealthy dependency, and a mess to deal with later on.
If we have decided we want a particular relationship or want to wait about making a decision in a particular relationship, then we must go on with our own life in the interim.
That can be hard. It can feel natural to put our life on hold. That is when we get caught up in the codependent beliefs: That person can make me happy … I need that particular person to do a particular thing in order to be happy …
That’s a circumstance that can hook our low self-esteem, our self-doubt, and our tendency to neglect ourselves. We can get into this situation in a number of ways. We can do this waiting for a letter, waiting for a job, waiting for a person, waiting for an event.
- What is something I could be doing now to take care of myself, make myself feel better, get my needs met in an appropriate, healthy way?
- How can I own my power to take care of myself, despite what the other person is or isn’t doing?
- What will happen if I break the system and begin taking care of myself?